The Showdown: LB/OJ Part 1


Oren’s okay. Yeah, he and I have a decent working relationship, I guess. He tells me to harvest chard; I harvest romaine. I ask him random questions; he answers them. He calls shots; I make fun of him in print. Overall, I’d say it’s a fruitful relationship, and quite enjoyable, too.

And mentally, he’s definitely got some things going for him. I gotta give it to him; the guy can grow a mean bed of peas, and juggle more logistical pieces in his head than anyone I’ve met, with the possible exception of my eldest brother Bridog. But when it comes to public relations and first impressions, ehh, he’s maybe a C+ at best. But hey, we put up with him; he puts up with us, and the world goes around and the veggies grow.

But athletically? Come on. We’re talking about a guy who calls his jumps “leaps” because he can only get one leg off of the ground at a time. At the beginning of the season, I found myself wondering, “How does he manage to maintain that same body shape, as I’m becoming so lean and strong?” Now I see that it’s a result primarily of his working pattern, and, likely, his age. Let’s be honest; Oren’s got some years on him now, and while the “10 years of experience,” he so often references have certainly done him some good in the farmer department, he’s become a bit of a physical liability over the years. Let’s face it: he’s one knee brace away from two knee braces, and his ankles are none the better. Me, meanwhile? I’m absolutely prime. The season of bucket-doggin’, broadforkin’ and chainsawin’ has got me feeling like 22 again: a far cry from the old man who calls the shots and frightens the worker shares.

I mention this only in light of the upcoming showdown — long-awaited and highly heralded — this Thursday night at the Stevens Point Ultimate Frisbee Association, when Throw White and the Seven Deadly Hucks (my team) meet Carolina Blue’s Clues (his team), for the first time in history. It’s gonna go down, and we’ve been smack talking for months now in preparation for this showdown.

For all of Oren’s physical shortcomings, he’s got a long history with a frisbee, and the sport itself. A Club-Player in his younger years, he’s got a deadly huck, good field vision and a frustrating wingspan. I, on the other hand, bring only one season of experience to the table, and a historical propensity leaning heavily in the direction of football over frisbee. But I’ve got athletic instinct, explosive burst, and excellent hands, regardless of the sport.

So we shall see. Thursday night it is. Challenge offered and accepted. Lee B. versus Jonas Oren J. Does he stand a chance? Probably not, but we shall see.